Everyone, it seems, has advice for how, in these politically polarized times, we can co-exist at the holiday table. This genre has practically become a cottage industry, sprouting up every November like clockwork. They all read as if Thanksgiving dinner is a hostage negotiation.
One said, be sure to set the rules. Another advised to avoid controversial subjects. Listen with your heart and not your head, was another tip. And there was this: Walk calmly out of the room when politics is discussed.
I reject them all…
Not because the advice is necessarily bad, but because it presumes we’re on the brink of a food fight every time someone at the table clears their throat. But what if I told you the premise is wrong, that we’re actually not as split as we’ve been told?
Thanksgiving presents a unique opportunity for mingling with friends and family, with politics as a means of unification, not division. If you’re willing to make the case that we have a great deal in common, you’ll have plenty of data on your side.
The folks at the Kettering Foundation and Gallup’s Democracy For All Project recently surveyed 20,338 adults as part of a five-year project to measure Americans’ views of Democracy. This isn’t a flash poll taken over a weekend – it’s a longitudinal look at who we are and what we believe.
To be sure, there’s evidence of division, including the way we view how much power the majority should hold, tolerance of radical voices in politics, and the pace of cultural change.
On the question of whether cultural change has happened too quickly in the last 25 years, we are deadlocked at 49%-49%. That’s a coin flip, not a culture war.
But that’s not the takeaway.
Far more revelatory is what unites us. And not vague agreement, either – concrete, overwhelming consensus. Eight in ten U.S. adults agree on a variety of issues that reflect the core aspects of our democracy.
We agree…
That political leaders should compromise.
That political violence is never ok.
That we benefit from multiculturalism.
That we need a check on the influence of money in our politics.
And that there’s a stark line between facts and opinions.
Those aren’t small things. Those are pillars of civic life.
Overall, everyone thinks that Democracy is the best form of government, but that it’s not functioning well right now. In fact, our satisfaction with U.S. Democracy is only about half of what it was four decades ago.
You could argue that many are nostalgic for a time when politics felt less performative and more productive. Which raises the question: If we have so much in common, why doesn’t it feel that way?
I found this buried nugget to be illuminating. While 67% believe Democracy is the best form of government, “less than half of Americans believe that their fellow citizens are committed to having a strong Democracy.”
So, it’s not me, it’s the other guy you need to worry about.
That’s a belief fueled by politicians and their media mouthpieces whose positions are sustained and supported by perpetuating the perception of a divide. Demonization of the other side is a magnet for mouse clicks, as well as ears and eyes, and energizes those who determine the outcome of primary nominations, thereby setting the table for the election of politicians who don’t share the view of 80% of us: That compromise is a good thing!
Our politics are being programmed for the angriest 20%, while the sane, silent majority is ignored, or taken for granted. It’s a vicious cycle.
It’s the political version of a funhouse mirror: Distorted, exaggerated and–if you can’t escape the funhouse–increasingly taken as reality.
And it’s disheartening to the young, who’ve never known any other political climate but the one we have now. No wonder just 53% of young adults believe Democracy is the best form of government, far lower than any other age group, particularly the oldest Americans who are at 80%. If all they’ve ever seen is gridlock and grievance, why would they believe in the system’s promise?
So, when you’re a butter knife away from friends and family, try giving thanks to what we have in common. That’s the true opportunity of the holiday table – not to win, but to reconnect.
We want compromise, not violence. We’re inclusionary. We don’t think political outcomes should be determined by money. And we recognize the primacy of facts.
You don’t need to convert anyone. You just need to remind them – and yourself – that most Americans are more reasonable than the political market suggests.
So don’t shy away from the conversation this year. If anything, the dining room table may be exactly where we start to reverse this funhouse mirror of our politics. By seeing each other as we actually are, not as we’re told to see one another.
The real divide is in our heads… not at our tables.
Michael A. Smerconish
